Just can't live that negative way...make way for the positive day!--Bob Marley

First I should start out with Saturday night, after I had made my last entry. I went to bed but I couldn't fall asleep at first, which is odd considering I haven't went to sleep at 1:30AM in a while. I just had that feeling that something was "wrong." I don't know if you know what I mean, it's that uncomfortable feeling like something bad is happening even though everything appears ok. Then for a couple seconds I couldn't, or at least it felt like I couldn't breathe. So I got up and turned on my light and took some deep breaths and convinced myself nothing was wrong and laid back down. Then I started thinking about what I would do if Javin died. I ran through the whole thing in my head. This disturbed me, so I continued to think about him, but not him dying. Then I fell asleep. The next day, Sunday, I felt like crap for some reason. (It could have been lack of sleep though) I just felt weak and tired, and my back was hurting and my head slightly. So today I go into school and Javin's not there. I thought maybe he'd come late like he often did last year, but Varsity Chorale came and he wasn't there. Now you're htinking this is probably just a coincidence our some paranoia on my part right? Maybe, but check this: When I got home today I decided to call his house just to see if he was sick or had an appointment or whatever. Nobody picked up the phone. So I still have no consolation that he is ok right now. He never misses school. I remember a couple times last year he really didn't feel well and he still came to school. I specifically remember this one time he said he was sick and might try to go home early. We weren't in the same 1st period class, so when I went to my class I was hoping that he would feel better and concentrating on that, almost like I was channeling positive energy to him. Then I imagined the scenario of after the clas him telling me he feels better. So the class ends, we go to our lockers, he comes up to me and says "That's so wierd, I feel better now!" I just said "I knew you would say that." THen he's like "How? You have pshychic visions too now?" (he told me he does but that's another story) I said "No, I just had a feeling." And that was that. So can it work in adverse? Did something happen to him Friday night at 1:44AM and I felt it? Am I insane? I think (and dearly hope) he's still alive since I didn't feel INCREDIBLY bad. I didn't cry or anything. Or maybe my obsessive compulsive paranoid mind is playing tricks on me. I sure hope so. I hope I'm wrong. Infact I PRAY I'm wrong, and I'm atheist. All I want is to walk into school tomorrow morning and see him there and him telling me he was in NY or something. That's all...